The Beginning

It was only supposed to be a four-week bible study. To be brutally honest, I was only going because I had heard it was about getting your house and schedule organized. I figured it would be a Martha-Stewart-meets-Jesus kind of thing. Count me in! I convinced Nathan that my being gone for the next four Tuesday evenings would greatly benefit our entire household.

However, it was so much more than how to keep a tidy home. The title was "From the Inside Out...lining up your head, heart, and home with God's priorities for your life." To read more about how that study impacted my world, click here. Let it suffice to say that it really made me re-think my priorities and lit a fire in me to actually make some changes in my day-to-day living...not just think about them, but actually do them.

So as the four weeks came to a close, I learned that the next six weeks of Tuesday Night Bible Study would be a Beth Moore DVD series on the book of James in the Bible. I was a little intrigued, because who doesn't love Beth Moore? For those of you who are not familiar with this vivacious, larger than life, often times hilarious, and painfully honest Christian teacher, I highly recommend you look her up and try out one of her studies. She'll change your life in one way or another, I promise!

Anyway, like I said, my interest was piqued, but I had promised Nathan that I was only doing this one 4-week study, and then Tuesday nights would be his again. We were already apart two nights a week while he attended a semester long class at the local junior college, as well as Thursday nights while I practiced downward dog and level breathing at yoga. So to add a fourth night away was asking a lot, especially when he works 48 hour shifts. So I dismissed the idea of being a part of this new study. I wasn't too disappointed, since I didn't even really know what it was about (I knew as much about the book of James as I do about, say, astrophysics...i.e. NOTHING).

However, I couldn't get it out of my head. It's like there was this little voice in my head, whispering, "Do it. Don't ask why. Don't make excuses. It will be a sacrifice, yes, but Just. Do. It." So I did. I showed up the first Tuesday night, wondering what I was doing there. That doubt magnified when I realized that the whole first session, we weren't even going to turn to the book of James. It was all about getting a little history on the man first. Okay. Sure. I can see that, I guess. Makes sense. Not terribly exciting, but beneficial.

But then the next week, we spent the whole session on just the very first verse of the book of James! Literally, the whole session on this one line: "James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations: Greetings."  Now you might think, "How in the world can one spend a whole hour on a simple salutation?" Yeah, I thought that, too. But obviously, you and I don't know Beth Moore. She broke down practically every word of that verse and then spoke about what he didn't say in that verse! On and on she went about this Greek transliteration and that Hebrew translation, and I'll admit y'all (that's what Beth says...y'all, being the true Texan she is), she lost me. Just as I'm wondering what in the world I was doing, giving up precious family time to be here, listening to this bible mumbo-jumbo, she said it. She spoke the answer to the question that just hours earlier I had cried out to God while standing in my kitchen, desperate and broken. Here is what her words were:

"Through obedience, you are going to get your joy back."

I sat up straight. I looked around. Did anybody else hear that? Did anyone else just get goosebumps? Nobody else looked like they had just seen a ghost, but boy, did I feel like I just did. My hand shook as I wrote those words down on my paper...through obedience, you are going to get your joy back..., and I was surprised to feel my cheeks wet with tears. How did she know? How did she know?

"She didn't know," I heard God whisper in my ear. "I did."

Oh. My. God. Don't think I'm being blasphemous here, because it was literally, Oh My God...He was there!! Talking to me! Earlier that day, in a moment of frustration and despair, I cried out to Him, "I don't even know how to be happy anymore! I can't even remember what that's like! Please help me, God! How do I find that joy again, God?"

He answered me that night. Through Beth Moore, through a study that I wasn't even supposed to be a part of, through an hour long session of--not going to lie here--boring translations that made me think about ditching out early, He answered me! And as I continued to go back, week after week, He continued to speak to me, over and over again. The final session was titled "Between the Rains," referencing the dry seasons in our life, when we aren't particularly feeling God's presence. It struck me then that I was in a rainy season and I was loving it. I was walking in the rain and I never wanted to get out.

Well, what do you know, the following week would mark the start of a new bible study..."Inside Out: Part 2!" Didn't I just say that I never wanted to get out of the rain? It was only four weeks long...so I meekly asked my husband if I could just do this last bible study (promise!), and off I went for another four Tuesday nights.

It was around this time that it had been suggested to me by some close friends that I do another Beth Moore study, title "Breaking Free," which is about breaking free from the chains of captivity, which is anything that hinders an abundant and effective spirit-filled life that God intended for us. Umm, yeah...I need that like I need air to breathe! When I asked the Women's Ministry leader to borrow this DVD series, she casually mentioned that she'd like to do it over the summer as well, and maybe perhaps we could put together a small group of women to do it together? Well, absolutely we can! Just let me go ask my husband...