Part 1

The Stats:

• Born: November 16, 1983
• Siblings: Youngest of 5 children, from a blended family: my two oldest brother (14 and 21 years older than me) are from my father's first marriage, my sister (15 years older than me) is from my mother's first relationship, and my third brother (7 years older than me) is a "whole" sibling, versus a "half" sibling. Got that all straight? I know it's a bit confusing.
• Parents: Divorced when I was very small (to young to even remember them living in the same house). I lived with my dad from the time I was six years old and spoke my with mom every night and saw her every week.
• Hometown: I was born and raised in a tiny town on the Central Coast of California, and still live here today. Same goes for my husband. Can you tell we don't like change?
• Married: September 10, 2005 to a man I met the day after I graduated high school. We dated four years before tying the knot. Nathan works for the local fire department and I still have to pinch myself when I think about the fact that I married a firefighter! I could still jump up and down when I think about it, ha!
• Children: Two bea-u-tiful little boys that make my heart melt whenever I look at them (okay, whenever I look at their picture or when they are asleep and angelic). Benjamin (identifiable by his blond curls and cute-as-a-button nose) is 4 and Brayden (my sweet freckle-faced boy with his daddy's blue eyes) is 1. My children humble me like nothing ever has in my life. I also love them like I never have loved another in my life.

The Good Stuff:

I was raised in a (for lack of better term) non-religious household. We believed in God (I think), but never went to church, didn't pray (except when I insisted on it), and if we owned a bible, I never saw it. Jokes were sometimes made about those "Jesus" people, especially when the Jehovah Witnesses came to our door. I would say cynicism was more our religion than Christianity.

Then, when I was in 5th grade, a friend invited me to a local Awana chapter, which is a weekly youth program designed to teach and encourage children to read the bible and follow Christ.  Games, snack, activities, and awards were all highlights each week and I really responded well to it. I memorized scripture, asked questions, and instilled the new practice of giving thanks for our meals each night before dinner in our home (much to my dad and brother's dismay). I started attending youth group at the local Nazarene church in junior high with my friends, but because my family didn't attend the church, I never felt like I quite belonged. However, I did make the choice to get baptized there when I was 13, which my family and friends all witnessed.

I continued attending youth group throughout my first years of high school. Then, at the end of my sophomore year, I met my first real boyfriend, who was not a believer. We all know how this story ends. He showed interest in me and I was weak and insecure so I fell hard and completely isolated myself to everything but him. I pushed aside or flat out ignored his red flags and I remained in a much-too-serious relationship with him for my last two years of high school. Then, by the grace of God, I was broken free from that relationship just a week before graduating. I accepted my diploma with a light and free spirit and a joy for life that I hadn't felt in a very long time.

Enter Nathan Hasch. A Christian man, an "I've got a plan" man, a fire-fighting man, an honorable man. I swooned, this time not just because he liked me, but because I truly liked him. I didn't even know they made men like this! This is the kind of man little girls dream of marrying some day, and here he was, standing right in front of me, holding the car door open, waiting for me to get in. Yes, real men do that, you know.

You know what else a real man does? He invites the woman he loves to church, over and over again, until that woman finally says "Yes." Or in my case, "Fine. If it will get you off my back already, fine. I'll go once." You see, in my relationship with my high school boyfriend, there was no room for God. Satan saw his opportunity and used that time to plant seeds of doubt in my head that just grew and grew and grew before
God finally said, "Enough."

So I went to chuch. I resisted attending the traditional Sunday morning service, so instead we went to the more contemporary evening option. I fully intended to go once, hate it, and refuse to go back. But you know what? I liked it. I liked it a lot. So much so that I agreed to go back a second time. And then a third. A few months later I found myself answering an altar call and through my tears asking Jesus back into my life and into my soul. He answered and He has never left.

Stay tuned for Part 2...

27-35

27. Impromptu family-of-four nights.
28. Littlest One and Four Year Old's uninhibited dancing, simply because they hear music.
29. Husband's never-ceasing hard work on our home.
30. The warmth of coffee that seems to penetrate my soul and thaw me from the inside out.
31. Littlest One's growing vocabulary.
32. The Ultimate Healer providing my children with the best earthly one...Dr. Patterson is truly a gift to us.
33. Cool, overcast mornings that hint at the coming season of thick sweaters and well-worn jeans.
34. Women welcoming other women.
35. Husband's helpful hands and (more importantly), his helpful heart.

21-26

21. Baby books and old journals that pull me back in time.
22. 4 Year Old's big dreams for his future.
23. Husband's welcoming arms after just two hours apart.
24. The sweet mix of anticipation and a tinge of fear that comes when stepping out of one's comfort zone.
25. 4 Year Old's desire to help his daddy, his mommy, his grandparents...help anyone.
26. Chipping away at the never-ending stack of paperwork that insists on being filed.

16-20

16. Long, delicious naps.
17. Lingering summer heat that just begs for water play with my boys.
18. Abundance of food.
19. Flirtation from Husband, even after 11 years together.
20. Anticipation for a day of learning.

For energy, focus, and wisdom

Dear Heavenly Father,

I was so looking forward to church this morning, God. I couldn't wait to sings songs of praise to you, raise my hands up high and just focus solely on your love and mercy. For one hour and fifteen minutes, I could easily just rest in you.

However, the nursery was full and my uninterrupted hour with you God turned into a party of three. I was distracted with little hands, mischievous smiles, and the sparkling blue eyes his daddy gave him. Yet even amidst all those distractions, you still met me there, God. I felt your presence and was surprisingly patient and relaxed even though my morning was not going as planned. This, as you know, God, is progress for me, and I know it comes directly from you!

Tonight, God, I ask you for a solid, restful night's sleep so tomorrow can be filled with productivity. I desperately want to support Nathan as he continues to strive to make our home beautiful, so I must complete these task-oriented items. I ask you to give me focus and direction and energy as I cross things off of my to-do list. Remove the distractions, God, please? This will have to come from you, as social media and other time-wasters have a very strong pull on me! As always, I ask for patience with my children as these things get done. The desire is there, God, I just need energy and motivation and time.

Tonight, God, you heard the questions Benjamin asked me...the ones about Heaven. Oh, God, I just don't know if I am ready for these questions! It is times like these I feel so inadequate because I don't even know the answers or how to describe them to a young child like my own. How do I tell him where Heaven is? He asks if it's in the sky and I find myself thinking, "Well, that's where I always thought it was!" How am I to respond, God, when his little eyes fill with tears because I told him that when he goes to Heaven, he can't come back to Earth? I had to hide my own salty tears when he cried out that he would miss me and didn't want to be away from me. How do I answer that, God, especially when I share the same fears? Or the question, "Why can't we see God?" I don't really know! So I just ask you to give me wisdom, God, and give me opportunities and the desire to learn more about you, not just for my own knowledge, but also for my sweet little boys. 

I love you, Lord, so so much. I am finding such joy in you, God, and from the bottom of my heart, God, thank you for that.

Amen.

6-15

6. Husband's vulnerability with nobody but me.
7. 4 year old's hard and honest questions about life and death...and the innocent and raw tears that spilled out on both our cheeks as I answered them.
8. Littlest one's absolute delight in Daddy's fire engine...
9. And his absolute ear-piercing protest when it was time to leave said fire engine. At least he's passionate.
10. Opportunities for growth.
11. An answer given, even if not exactly what I was hoping for. It was still an answer.
12. Husband's pure and honest desires for me as a woman of Christ.
13. Family who helps.
14. Husband's steps toward God's purpose.
15. Evening quiet.

For Patience

Dear Father,
Today I desperately need patience. These boys are about to do me in. As they ran amok this morning, leaving Cheerios and play-dough in their wake, I counted down the minutes to their nap, barking commands at them all the while. Finally the clock hit the blessed time and whoosh, into bed they were plopped. But alas, neither of them slept, and I spent over an hour begging, cajoling, and threatening them to sleep. No such luck. It is now time to allow them to get up from their non-nap, so I just beg you, Father, to give me the most patience you can muster, because I sooooooo desperately need it. Fill my mouth with kind words, loving thoughts, and when I do need to discipline them, help me to do it out of love, rather than wrath. 
Amen

1-5

1. A reminder that even though my children can drive me crazy, at least they are here to do so.
2. Littlest boy's simple, contagious joy just by exclaiming a name...my name...Mama.
3. Four year old's focus and concentration when Mama need's it most.
4. Squirrels antics in the front yard just at the time when I desperately need a reason to smile, even just fleetingly.
5. So many opportunities for acts of service...how does one decide?

The Beginning

It was only supposed to be a four-week bible study. To be brutally honest, I was only going because I had heard it was about getting your house and schedule organized. I figured it would be a Martha-Stewart-meets-Jesus kind of thing. Count me in! I convinced Nathan that my being gone for the next four Tuesday evenings would greatly benefit our entire household.

However, it was so much more than how to keep a tidy home. The title was "From the Inside Out...lining up your head, heart, and home with God's priorities for your life." To read more about how that study impacted my world, click here. Let it suffice to say that it really made me re-think my priorities and lit a fire in me to actually make some changes in my day-to-day living...not just think about them, but actually do them.

So as the four weeks came to a close, I learned that the next six weeks of Tuesday Night Bible Study would be a Beth Moore DVD series on the book of James in the Bible. I was a little intrigued, because who doesn't love Beth Moore? For those of you who are not familiar with this vivacious, larger than life, often times hilarious, and painfully honest Christian teacher, I highly recommend you look her up and try out one of her studies. She'll change your life in one way or another, I promise!

Anyway, like I said, my interest was piqued, but I had promised Nathan that I was only doing this one 4-week study, and then Tuesday nights would be his again. We were already apart two nights a week while he attended a semester long class at the local junior college, as well as Thursday nights while I practiced downward dog and level breathing at yoga. So to add a fourth night away was asking a lot, especially when he works 48 hour shifts. So I dismissed the idea of being a part of this new study. I wasn't too disappointed, since I didn't even really know what it was about (I knew as much about the book of James as I do about, say, astrophysics...i.e. NOTHING).

However, I couldn't get it out of my head. It's like there was this little voice in my head, whispering, "Do it. Don't ask why. Don't make excuses. It will be a sacrifice, yes, but Just. Do. It." So I did. I showed up the first Tuesday night, wondering what I was doing there. That doubt magnified when I realized that the whole first session, we weren't even going to turn to the book of James. It was all about getting a little history on the man first. Okay. Sure. I can see that, I guess. Makes sense. Not terribly exciting, but beneficial.

But then the next week, we spent the whole session on just the very first verse of the book of James! Literally, the whole session on this one line: "James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations: Greetings."  Now you might think, "How in the world can one spend a whole hour on a simple salutation?" Yeah, I thought that, too. But obviously, you and I don't know Beth Moore. She broke down practically every word of that verse and then spoke about what he didn't say in that verse! On and on she went about this Greek transliteration and that Hebrew translation, and I'll admit y'all (that's what Beth says...y'all, being the true Texan she is), she lost me. Just as I'm wondering what in the world I was doing, giving up precious family time to be here, listening to this bible mumbo-jumbo, she said it. She spoke the answer to the question that just hours earlier I had cried out to God while standing in my kitchen, desperate and broken. Here is what her words were:

"Through obedience, you are going to get your joy back."

I sat up straight. I looked around. Did anybody else hear that? Did anyone else just get goosebumps? Nobody else looked like they had just seen a ghost, but boy, did I feel like I just did. My hand shook as I wrote those words down on my paper...through obedience, you are going to get your joy back..., and I was surprised to feel my cheeks wet with tears. How did she know? How did she know?

"She didn't know," I heard God whisper in my ear. "I did."

Oh. My. God. Don't think I'm being blasphemous here, because it was literally, Oh My God...He was there!! Talking to me! Earlier that day, in a moment of frustration and despair, I cried out to Him, "I don't even know how to be happy anymore! I can't even remember what that's like! Please help me, God! How do I find that joy again, God?"

He answered me that night. Through Beth Moore, through a study that I wasn't even supposed to be a part of, through an hour long session of--not going to lie here--boring translations that made me think about ditching out early, He answered me! And as I continued to go back, week after week, He continued to speak to me, over and over again. The final session was titled "Between the Rains," referencing the dry seasons in our life, when we aren't particularly feeling God's presence. It struck me then that I was in a rainy season and I was loving it. I was walking in the rain and I never wanted to get out.

Well, what do you know, the following week would mark the start of a new bible study..."Inside Out: Part 2!" Didn't I just say that I never wanted to get out of the rain? It was only four weeks long...so I meekly asked my husband if I could just do this last bible study (promise!), and off I went for another four Tuesday nights.

It was around this time that it had been suggested to me by some close friends that I do another Beth Moore study, title "Breaking Free," which is about breaking free from the chains of captivity, which is anything that hinders an abundant and effective spirit-filled life that God intended for us. Umm, yeah...I need that like I need air to breathe! When I asked the Women's Ministry leader to borrow this DVD series, she casually mentioned that she'd like to do it over the summer as well, and maybe perhaps we could put together a small group of women to do it together? Well, absolutely we can! Just let me go ask my husband...