Life moves fast. Even when it's filled with all kinds of fabulousness (is that a word?), if you don't stop to breathe, reflect, remember, and apply, what good is it? I fully intend to share my "Breaking Free" experience (it was too monumental not to), but first I feel the need to dive into my James study, since it is already half over. I told you, life moves fast!
To recap, this is my second time getting into the book of James. My first experience was last spring, during Tuesday Evening Bible Study. You can read about that here. At that particular time I only participated in the DVD portion. I like to think it was because I was just too busy to do the extra reading and bazillion days of Beth Moore homework (which can be very time consuming), but if I am completely honest it's because I was lazy and uninterested. However, God wasn't going to let me off the hook that easy. He changed my heart and my desire and when the opportunity came to do the study again, this time on Tuesday mornings, I jumped at the chance. I eagerly bought the book and dove into the homework with a zest I've never felt before and now never want to lose.
In week one, Beth wasted no time getting personal by asking us to delve into our family issues. And who doesn't have family issues? I am learning that everyone has at least one or two crazy people in their family...they may just have to reach farther back into generations or farther over into the extended family to find them. Personally, I struggle with being one of the very few members of my family who believe in and accept Jesus Christ as their savior. Satan loves to use this sense of isolation and loneliness to create in me feelings of inadequacy and doubt regarding my place in the church and even in God's love. Sometimes I don't know what bothers me the most...coming from a family of non-believes or coming from a family of divorce, addiction, and brokenness. So when I read about James being the brother of Jesus (Ready for an embarrassing confession? I didn't know that Jesus had siblings until I did this study. Yet I am a bible study leader! If that isn't God's work in me, I don't know what is!), and all the tension and hostility and raw emotions that come along with that, I felt relieved. I mean, family issues go all the way back to Jesus! He and I have something in common! They say misery loves company, and I can't think of better company than Jesus himself, the ultimate Healer and Restorer.
Then in the fourth day of the first week of homework, we are shown how James, the half brother of Jesus, went from being a doubter to a leader. I repeat: from a doubter to a leader. Do you see the parallel here? I was a doubter! Even though I went to youth group, accepted Christ, was baptized even, I still doubted! Yet, God has taken me from that place of unbelief and sent me sprinting in the opposite direction. Now I can't get enough of Him, enough of His word, enough of His presence and guidance and love, and I find myself wondering how I even got along without Him. Where my days used to be filled with thoughts of myself, now they are consumed with thoughts of Him. Frustrating years spent leaning on my own strength and understanding has led me to a new place of trusting God’s plan for my life. I could weep everyday for the love and grace that He pours out over me. This transformation has been in the works for at least ten years now, but most of it has drastically taken shape over the last ten months. I highlighted and circled the following sentences in my workbook (taken from scholar Scot McKnight, describing a "biographical reconstruction"):
"The first thing a convert does is tell his or her own biography in a new way. A basic reorientation is like this: what mattered most before no longer matters; what did not matter before is now central."And that, my friends, is where I am at today. It's been a long road getting here, but luckily, God never gave up on me.
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