God Answers

There has been an underlying theme in all the bible studies I have had the privilege of participating in this year and it is this: Serve Others.

I have served in the church in various capacities over the years. I've worked in the nurseries, been a part of a children's ministry, bought Christmas gifts for needy children (both local and global), and baked for the youth groups. However, I never felt like my heart was truly in my acts of service, but rather was simply filling a present need in the church body. If I am truly honest, the last couple of years I have selfishly hoarded my time to dedicate it solely to myself and my family. I think God allowed me this respite so I could focus on my family when they needed me the most. Then, at one of the most fragile states of my life as a mother and wife and follower of Christ, God called me off of the sidelines and into the game. This is kind of how the conversation went:

Me: "God, I just don't even know how to be happy anymore! Please, God, show me how to find joy!"
God: "Through obedience, you will get your joy back."
Me: "But what does that mean? What do I have to do?"
God: "What good is it if a man has faith, but has no deeds? Faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead." (from the book of James)
Me: "Okay, serving. I get that. But I'm not sure that I'm ready, God. I don't know enough."
God: "Let me meet you where you are. It is through loving and serving others that you will become mature in your faith and steadfast in your walk with me."
Me: "Okay, God. I will trust you and be obedient."

This conversation with God took place over the span of about six months. Then, through the "Breaking Free" bible study by Beth Moore, I discovered such a love for Jesus and an amazing sense of peace and satisfaction in Him that now I cannot wait to let that overflow into the lives of others. One of my greatest prayers these days is that every other person I come into contact with (from friends to neighbors to the Fed Ex guy to the grocery store clerk!) will see and feel the love of Christ in me and that there will be little room for doubt as to what Lord I serve.

So then I asked God, "Just show me where you want me, God. Present the opportunities to serve in your name." Boy, did He answer! In the span of two days, I was asked to serve Women's Ministry in three different ways! I looked at God and was like, "So, uh, you want me to serve other women I guess?" Though I naturally gravitate towards working with children because it feels easy and safe (kids are much kinder and less judgemental than adults are, as a general rule), I knew that in order to grow my faith and my knowledge, I needed to step out of my comfort zone and begin challenging myself. That is why out of the three fabulous options God presented me with, I felt Him nudge me towards helping my good friend, Robin, with her Tuesday night bible study class. Robin pushes me and challenges me to a level of authenticity I rarely see in women and her knowledge of the bible is enviable. Selfishly, I hope to glean some of that wisdom from her, and I look forward to using Tuesday evenings as a safe place to take a risk and just be me...because sometimes, in a world of women, being yourself is the hardest thing to do.