I'm All In

It's been nine days since I agreed to co-lead a small group in Women's Bible Study at church. In that time, here is what I've done so far:

• Made a roster sheet and updated it at least five times, via email, phone calls, and sticky notes.
• Met my co-leader for the first time over coffee. Kristin and I got to know each other and hashed out the details of who does what and when.
• Rehearsed the introductory phone calls I would need to make to each woman in my group. Yes, phone calls to strangers scare me.
• Made said phone calls without passing out, giggling nervously, or messing up anyone's names. Luckily, most calls went to voicemail, so I was able to just read my script and then hang up. Yes, I wrote a script.
• Made "Get to know you" cards so a group of strangers could at least know one interesting thing about each other by the end of the morning.
• Reviewed our prayer "method" about a hundred times and practiced out loud about fifty...okay, maybe it was morel like twenty and ten. Still.
• Prayed about praying. It went something like this: Please, God, don't let me sound like an idiot in front of all these women. Give me the words and confidence that makes me sound articulate, smart, and genuine. And if you could change my voice to make me sound like a grown woman rather than an eight year old girl, that would be awesome. Oh, and please please please God, do not let me forget anyone's prayer request, because I will seriously just die from the shame and guilt. Amen. P.S. You are amazing. Amen.
• Made a sign directing people to the right room, since in my introductory phone calls, I told everyone the wrong room number. Oy.
• Completed the weekly homework because apparently the leaders are expected to do that. Something about setting a good example?
• Arrived 30 minutes early Tuesday morning, because, well...I don't really know why. I had nothing to do but contemplate which seat would be best and organize my folders and papers a dozen times.
• Meet my new small group, discuss the homework, explain the prayer method, close us out in prayer, and thank God for getting me through my first official day as a bible study leader.
• Sent a welcome email to the group in anticipation of our second week together. Yep, even after all that, God still was able to change my heart and my mind from fear and trepidation to one of confidence and peace. Then again, it's only Thursday. I better keep praying. :)

One thing is for sure: I am excited and eager and I am definitely all in. It's the only way I know how to be.